Reading Torn Apart, Inside and Out first will help with
some of the references in this fic.
red = Demon part's thoughts
"So we're decided?", Lina asked, looking around at the group.
Zel nodded, the decision had been made last night. Gourry was escorting
Shilfiel home to Sairaag with Amelia, while Lina was heading on to the
next treasure hunt. In this case, a forgotten shrine in the Dertaga
Mountains. He looked at the cross-roads. Here they divided.
Gourry had been reluctant to leave Lina, but even he couldn't deny that
Shilfiel would need a guardian. Amelia had volunteered in the name of
Justice to help then on their way. Now it was up to him. Where would
he go? With Lina or in search of his cure?
Questions, questions ...
"Zel?", Lina asked, waving a hand in front of his face.
"Where are you heading?"
Questions, questions ... he paused, gripped in indecision ...
The room. Dark, firelight flickering to the side, thick, blood red
drapes swathing the walls, a plush chair set in the shadows ...
"Questions, questions, Self. What is your decision?," the soft mocking
The sound of shuffling cards. "I don't know ...", I say, hating having
to admit this to him. He smirks and stands, stepping into the
flickering light. He is my mirror image, save for the long silver hair,
smooth ebony skin, ruby within sapphire within onyx orbs, pointed ears,
studied elegance in every movement, dangerous seduction in every plane
and tempting curve, perpetual half smile giving the features an even
more inhuman quality. I find him ... attractive. I hate myself for
"No thank you." I reply, keeping en eye on him and one on the shadows.
Will G back me up?
"Trying to break our naughty habits, are we? Good boy. Drinking is
such a pathetic escape, anyway," he says, absently shuffling a deck of
cards before spreading them like a fan. That smirk becomes
I growl at him, ignoring the glimpse of myself in the mirror. Human, I
am human here. "Get to the point, bastard."
He sighs, looking put upon. "Oh very well. You must go with Lina of
"And why pray tell is that?" I ask, wary of his motives.
G steps from the shadows. Well, that's what the bastard calls him,
anyway. His voice is apathetic, calm.
"Logical thought would lead us
Conclusion so obvious it escapes you
Unity is our true purpose."
He looks like I do on the outside, blue skin, pebbles outlining the face
and eyes. Except his eyes are cloudy white quartz, emotionless and
dead. His choice of wording is him all over. What can beat the
measured, clinical quality of his haikus?
"Care for a card game, Self?", the demon asks, shuffling the cards on a
newly appeared table. "Tarot is always nice."
"I don't believe in the Tarot."
"Of course not, there is no future to be read in cards, just like
there's no future in your love life. No future? Silly me, I meant
there was none to begin with.", a knowing smirk plays on his lips.
"Just shut up, bastard." I growl, wanting to slap that smug little smirk
off his face.
"If I'm a bastard, I'm your bastard."
"You are not mine."
"No, I am you."
"NO YOU'RE NOT!" I can't keep myself from hitting him, can't keep myself
from lashing out at his smile, at the words I always feel have to be
true. He can't exist if I didn't let him ... right?
He smiles, rubbing his cheek, smiling, before pulling me close and
kissing me hungrily on the mouth. Hit me again, but make it count
this time, Self. Or better yet, kiss me the way you want to kiss Lina
I bite his lip. Mmmm, frisky eh? I'm sure Lina would be pleased.
I jerk away from him, slamming his head into the table on the trip
away. And find myself being restrained by G. "That's your game isn't
it? You're after Lina." I spit out, struggling in G's grip.
He smiles and ignores my comment, pushing himself off the table,
snagging a card in the process. "Nine of Swords:
Anxiety you suffer, worry you feel
Heart in knots, never to be free
Guilt plagues your steps, remorse clouds your eyes
Heart in turmoil, wrenched tight
Anguish you suffer, the joy has fled
Here you lie awake, crying in bed"
I hate him. What is it that makes them poets? The fact that they are
me? I hate that thought, too.
"It sounds like you, does it not? You suffer now and you will continue
to suffer as long as you play the wallflower." He smiles at the words,
knowing I'm pricked. "You will always be alone, Self. Let us help
I glare at him. I know what his help will be. G won't stop him unless
he becomes a threat to US, not me.
The demon chooses another card. "The Lovers, hmmm ... interesting, a
reversed card." He smirks lewdly at me. "I never knew you were so
sexually repressed. Who could possibly be the object of your desires?"
He looks at G, red pupils slitting.
"Get to the point, kisama."
"Mmmm ... go with Lina, Self. You want her so much ... " The smile
softens, the bright, tri-colored eyes fade in color. "After all, if she
makes you happy ... " he trails off as he steps up to me, running a hand
down my chest. I try not to flinch. I know his games. Demon to the
"I'm not going after her, demon, I'm going to find my redemption." I'm
the one who's smirking now, as his eyes brighten again at the
"Illogical reasoning to logical conclusion." G's entry into the
conversation causes the demon to glance at the expressionless features
of the one who holds me captive.
He lashes out now, mood darkened. "There is no cure", he snaps, glaring
"To cure is to unify."
"Our unity is not an issue, because there is no cure!"
"There has to be one, all spells are reversible!", I cry, jumping into
"Truth," the golem states.
The demon snatches another card off the deck, glaring at it. "Knight of
Swords ..." he glances over at G "Logical, cold, decisive, knowing."
His gaze turns to me. "Place anyone we know, Self." How like him to
change the subject, the tricky, little bastard.
G's rebuttal is biting,
"Cards hold no knowledge
Future is shifting, moving
Like the flowing stream"
I smile from the safety of G's rather hard arms. He doesn't dare try
for me here. The golem's control of this Shell is precise, one slip
from either of us and he is in control. And right now the golem is on
"Consider for a moment the possibility that there is no cure." The
golem remains silent at this theory.
"If there is none, then our unity must otherwise be achieved. By an
outside agent." I don't like the way this is going.
"Which agent?" I ask suspiciously.
"Whichever does the job."
I go for the least obvious. "Gourry?"
He rolls his eyes. "He's better of dead, he is unnecessary to our
I knew he would say that.
"She would be interesting to break, but otherwise, also meaning less."
"They don't deserve to die."
He smiles. "Why not? If you kill them, they will never have to feel
pain again, never have the chance to hate you, never have the chance to
learn of your insanity or your secrets, never ever leave you like the
others did. You will have them forever, Self."
I hate him. I hate him for making me consider the atrocious deed, hate
him for making his sick twisted sense, hate myself for allowing his
He smiles darkly as I squirm, relishing my distress. He steps close
again, pressing against me. "Only we care about you, only I and G can
ever make you happy. Let us help you, let us fix it and make everything
better," he murmurs as his lips caress my ear and his hands start
I kick him away from me, looking up at G, silently begging for help.
The blue, stone face remains impassive.
The demon pushes the silver fall of hair away from his face, eyes
laughing. "Would you rather Xellos be the agent of our unity? He would
be .... Interesting." His lips curve into a smile.
He pouts. "You know Xellos will enjoy us, appreciate our dilemma much
more than your Lina. She will never care for us. Never care for you."
I glare at him. He doesn't understand. He will never understand.
The demon smiles and turns back to his cards. "But do as you wish,
Self. Cure or Lina. You decide."
I glare at him suspiciously. He can't be just throwing this into my
hands ... can he?
I fade out.
The demon smirks. He has a name. A name he has decided not to share
with his Self. Dark Zel. I am closer to you than G is, I am all your
hatreds, all your desires, all of you, in and out ... the smile grows
dark ... I'll tear you apart.
He plucks a card from the pile. "And this is me, the Devil." Another
card is chosen. "And this is truly you, Self, the Fool."
"Your games are illogical." The demon glances up at the golem.
"Perhaps, but they achieve the goal where your logic does not."
"You know, that's what I like about you ... you're so predictable."
The golem vanishes as he came.
Dark Zel smiles wider, twisting the Fool card between his fingers before
tearing it apart.
"Zel?" Lina looks at him, impatient at his silence.
Zelgadis looks over the cross roads, for a moment he had been undecided,
but now ...
"I'm going with you, Lina. Maybe a cure will be with the treasure ... "
She looks at him, suspicious of both the reasoning and the small ..
smirk was it? That played upon his lips. It was gone before she truly
He looked at her," Well? Come on." He turned toward the sun, waving
over his shoulder at the others.
After a moment, Lina followed, also waving. For a moment, a moment of
unease, she had thought she had seen a flicker of red in his eyes.
But perhaps it was only sunlight.
I know NOTHING about Tarot cards and I'm not particularly interested in
them. But then again, Zel probably knows nothing about them either so
All Tarot interpretations came from
Tarot Card Index or I made it up (especially the Devil and Fool reference, take that
literally, not Taroty).
- G = golem (for lack of a better name for him)
- Dark Zel = demon (unimaginative, I know, but appropriate)
- Self usually means a reference to Zel (or human)
- Shell = the body, or who's in control of it
- The room is a place in the mind, it's where Zel keeps Dark Zel captive.