Papercut is by Linkin Park.
Wow, it's been nearly a year since I've written ANY fanfiction. I miss the fan mail, lol. I wasn't able to sleep, so I decided to do something I haven't done in quite some time. This is a story I had started last year and never touched again. I really like the idea, so I decided to continue off of this. Hopefully, this fic will mark the rebirth of my writing day's. This fic is pretty sad, so have tissue's near, and I decided to add a song to this, just to spruce it up. You can download the song at linkinpark.com, I suggest you do, it makes to set's the mood for the story better. I hope everyone who reads this will drop me a line and tell me if I've improved, or... ya' know. :p BTW, I haven't slept ALL night, so I had no time to spell check this or read for grammer mistakes, gomen! Please enjoy!
What is it that pulls a man in many directions all at once,
but which at the same time...
...also holds a man together?
In the murky depths of a deeply set dungeon, lay the many complex layers of a grieving man. Shackled and chained like a merciless beast, un-trusted by all around him, restrained to all and to even himself, restrained to everything but staring straight ahead to the pattern of cracked stone ahead of him, leaving him to turn over his thoughts. Over and over. Reliving the pain and the guilt that burned into the depths of his very soul. A mistake. A mistake he left far behind him, in the past.
In a house of refuge, not now, but a night long ago, a man makes a decision that will forever align his destiny.
"I'm not an easily impressed man, and you have impressed me greatly."
Lavender slit eye's peeked out from underneath a mysterious cloaked figure, chiding on to the young yet highly recommended mercenary before him. His exterior was dark and seemingly cold. Praise coming from such a well known powerful man as himself should be very appreciative, but, this man, no -- this boy, was different. Unyielding to any acclamation he offered. It was clear he was here for one thing.
"Your flattery has no affect on me, as long as you pay me what promised, I will get the job done," the boy offered in response, eye's closed, calm.
"I have heard you do superior work, Mr. Greywers."
The cloaked figure laced his fingers and gently rested his elbow's upon the wooden table that just slightly creaked underneath his weight. The young boy said nothing. Perhaps he was giving off the impression that everyone had their opinions, but yes, he agreed with the comment, and what other's had said about him. Of course he said nothing of it, not wanting to sound cocky. He did and would do superior work, for a price of course.
"Mmm... I believe I'm right about choosing you. Now, the job."
For the first time that the conversation had begun, the boy began paying attention to the man. This was the important part. That, and his payment. The cloaked figure lowered his tone, speaking in hushed tones as he leaned slowly across the table. The mercenaries eye's sized upon a pale smirking face, the candle flicking shadows across the strangers face, such a dramatic affect. It was those eye's; something in those deep pool's of mystery that he didn't trust. He pushed these thought's aside and listened in on just what he was going to be paid for.
"Your talents are needed, Mr. Greywers, at the Sailoon imperial palace."
He hesitated, waiting for some sort of response from the young boy. None came, but he was thinking about it, allright. Not even the most fearless mercenaries and bandits would think about ransacking the powerful White City without some thoughts of right. With no response he continued.
"I need you to find a passage way into the main quarters of the palace, namely the king's chamber, and the throne room, possibly the planning room. It has to be perfect. Silent, quick and highly organized, understand?"
Zelgadiss only blinked in response, already thinking ahead of where he would begin. He had visited Sailoon before in the past, once, as a search attempt for a certain cure, much to his disappointment, found nothing. He knew of the city's great importance and vast security system about the palace grounds. It wouldn't be an easy job, but it could be done. Know what stunned him was of what reason this man had for ransacking such a peaceful (yet controversial), white magic kingdom. What was it that drove him to this extreme, he couldn't help but ponder. It couldn't be money, he looked well off, and he was sure he worked for a higher power, seeing how he had never heard of this 'general'. There wasn't much else the kingdom provided, unless it was just another battle lord trying to win land and other so-called earthly powers.
"When you find your way clearly, I will assemble you with troops to...finish the job. You wont be needed further after you do so. After this is done, I will meet you here, and you will be rewarded, handsomely."
The figure patted an object nestled in his pouch, tied near his side. Zelgadiss knew what it was instantly; a chance. He wouldn't do such a high scale job for any price, he had to be something worth it, and this was it. A map, possibly to his cure. The closest he's ever been to a chance. The man smirked, pleased with the look in the boy's eye's.
"Tell me, Mr. Greywers, will you be able to satisfy my wishes?"
There was a slight hesitation.
"I've never disappointed."
A grin spread wide across the man's face, as he moved back to recline in his chair.
"Good, then, I will meet you two day's from now, no later, at the castle's background quarters, there, you will meet my men, they will be in your hands until they are inside. I look forward to us meeting shortly again, good sir.
The man raised slowly, his face once again concealed in the shadow of his hood. He bowed politely and turned toward the direction of the door. His footsteps echoed in the nearly empty house of prayer. He stood still for a moment, not bothering to look over his shoulder.
"And another thing, Mr. Greywers... If the job is any less then satisfactory to me, it'll be your first mistake, I'm sure, and your last. I will not tolerate foul-ups. And if you decide to let any other authority in on our little secret, we'll both be sorry. Goodnight."
I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed / but
I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
If there was one thing Zel didn't like, it was being threatened. He let it go, thinking only of his reward, and how he was going to accomplish the blueprints for such a task in only two days. Lowering his eyelids and glaring down the ridge of his nose, Zelgadiss rose as well, turning toward the man's back.
"Noted. If I may ask, what are your reasons for this tragedy?"
A soft chuckle mused in Zelgadiss' ear's, and at the instant he felt enraged, in the thought of being mocked. The man turned and waved his no-no finger in a childish manner toward his hired mercenary.
"Sore wa himitsu desu."
With that, the mysterious man took hold of his cape and swung it around, letting it flap about his lean frame as he departed from the holy chambers. Zelgadiss lifted his lip, distorting his face in the slightest with disgust. He would only have to deal with the man for three day's, he could manage. Intense aqua eye's gazed up at the holy shrine maiden art piece displayed up across the main wall. The small sanctuary was decorated with hundreds of dazzling little flickering candles. He offered a small prayer, as he closed his eye's and bowed his head. As fast as his now counterpart took leave, he did the same.
Two agonizingly long day's of nothing but study. And in such disgraceful surroundings... Zelgadiss had manage to finish his blueprints in the noted time, regretfully, through the sewer system, which eventually ran up toward the kitchen quarter of the palace. There he was able to find a grate, which could be removed easily. The inner maze of complex plumbing and chambers would lead the main hall outside of the king's chamber. He was nearly perfect. The only problem was..how was he going to fit so many troops into such a small passage way, and be unseen in the kitchen. They would have to start late, when most maidenhands were off their shift and the others in bed. If anyone could pull this off, it was he.
It's like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
[And watches everything]
Zel smirked, brushing a few lavender strands from his face as he stared down at his highly detailed blueprints. He was quite happy with his work with this little project. He was sure to please the funny man he was working for, and surely get his reward. He almost felt a twinge of cruelty at what he was doing. Leading these bandits into the palace would leave the royal heirs completely defenseless. He pushed the thought aside as he thought of his own greedy endeavors. His reward; his chance. Whatever that was to happen would be worth the price. Or so he thought.
The troops arrived at the exact time the man had said they would, their wasn't as many as he thought their would be, which was good. it would make the job easier. The air was cool tonight, Zel smiled inwardly as he thought of soon being able to feel the soft breeze against equally soft skin. The moon was high and full, it was a beautiful night, but mourning was in the distant night air...
Zelgadiss quietly and thoroughly explained the details of each blueprint of his plans, when he though the rest were prepared, he began his fateful journey within the palaces inner walls.
This wasn't what was supposed to happen ... was it?
Oh, god... so much blood...
I can hear her... Hear her crying...
She's so scared...
The blood on her face...it's not her own...
Oh...god...
I'm a monster...
Zelgadiss' perfect plans were torn apart as soon as this crew found their way through the complex lower depths of the palace, into the kitchen. At the first light of the inner palace is when the terror began. The seemingly regular dirty bandits that were part of the man's crew weren't what they seemed at all. They shed their skin's like some sort of reptile..exposing their true selves much to Zelgadiss' horror. Ogre's, monsters, huge, ugly...lesser beasts to Mazoku's. They laughed and chided as the began smashing everything in sight. Such a ruckus woke a maid servant near the kitchen chambers. She ran barefoot across the great red carpet halls, trying to catch sight of what had caused all the noise. And that's when it began. The killing. Zelgadiss watched in horror as one monster decapitated the young woman instantly. The sound of her screaming... It pierced his ear's. Zelgadiss didn't know what to doom he was blank, completely oblivious to what had happened, when it had all gone so terribly wrong.
From there the gruesome little party continued through the hall's and chambers, killing every person in sight. Zelgadiss took notice eventually of what was going on. He hadn't been informed entirely of the mysterious man's plan's. He didn't have much need for him at all. He didn't really plan to reward him at all! After he led his troop's in and they finished his business, they were going to do away with him!
"That bastard!"
Zelgadiss cried, unsheathing his sword as he ran towards the nearest ogre's. There were so many of them. he couldn't possibly do away with all of them in time to stop this massacre. He chanted spells and fought fiercely, rage boiling his mixed blood. They're screams in several chambers, followed by the sound of teeth, clams, ripping through human flesh, the cracking of bones...and the familiar rusty scent of blood as it spilled across furnished wood floors and expensive tapestry of rugs.
It was too unexpected, too sudden, no one knew, no one thought such a horror would fall upon the white magic capital of the world. And it would have never happened if it wasn't himself... He caused this. Now the only way he could rite what he could was try to save the royalty within the household.
The room was completely still, dark and silent, except for the soft uneasy breathing of three members within the family bedroom. The three members consisted of the Queen of Sailoon and her two younger daughters, huddled tightly to her body. The mother whispered soft hushes and words of comfort to her terrified daughters. The loud clatter of pot's and then an ear shattering scream had brought the two young girls awake and alert, immediately rushing the their mother's corridors. Their father, the prince, was away on a peace mission, as usual. The gentle woman, gulped as she slouched closer towards the back of the wall hidden by the large canopy bed. She hugged her sniffling daughters closely, praying eagerly to any deity willing to listen, for the safety of her precious babies.
Her hope's were shattered as the sound of a soft click was heard. The sound of a doorknob being opened, the heavy twin door's creaked slightly as they were pushed open. Bright moonlight filled the room, cascading silver images across three horrified faces, as a bulky shadow emerged into the room.
"God's have mercy..."
"Fireball!"
Zelgadiss sent the contained ball of black energy towards the ogre ahead, jumping over it as it hit dead in the monsters chest. He rushed toward the main courtiers of the palace, where the heir's would be, he only hopped it wasn't too late.
The queen of Sailoon slowly rose, pulling her hand from her daughters soft grips. She gazed down at her daughters with such sincerity in her eyes, such nobility in her heart as she kisses her daughters foreheads. They pleased, begged for her to stay,. it was hell watching those tear streaked face, those innocent eye's shimmering with fear, terror as their little worlds were brought down so early. So young... Dark raven tresses curled about their chubby red cheeks, and for an instant, the queen wasn't frightened anymore, she knew her daughters would choose their path's that would eventually lead them towards the justice and bravery they would need to serve their great kingdom.
"Don't be afraid, justice will triumph... Ad w'll be together again, I promise..."
So I know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me / right underneath my skin
She said softly, taking one last, short, moment to gaze upon her life's work, her beautiful daughters. She slowly looked toward her impending red eye's of her doomed fate, just long enough to offer one last prayer before she was brutally attacked. And then... there was a --
SCREAM.
Zelgadiss entered the heavy twin door's just in time to see the towering ogre tear it's claws into the queen's torso. Her eye's were so focused, so clear, he remembers that. She feel forward against Zelgadiss' figure, her blood stained nightgown soaking his tunic beneath her, she smiled up at him in the slightest, a crimson thread of blood straining down her chin as she offered her last words, which came out muffled, as blood curdled within her throat.
"I...forgive you."
His eye's were and frantic as he dropped her limp figure. He grabbed hold of his head in a maddening overtake of emotions. Tears slowly welled up in his eye's, leaving a trail across his stone tiers. It again, was a scream that brought him back. Enough to collect himself and lunge forward towards the Mazoku knocking the bed out of the get at the children. Zelgadiss quickly drew his sword and embedded it's blade through the ogre's back, he cried out, lunging the blade overhead, cutting the ogre in two. Panting and sheathing his blade, he leaned over pushing the remains of the monster out of the way, making sure the children were allright. The elder daughter had fainted at the first sight of blood, the other, younger, did nothing but stare at him. Her eye's were innocent, an endless trail of tears spilling across her bloody cheeks. She wasn't hurt, it was the blood of her mother that tainted her hands, her nightgown. She was crying. Crying out for her mother as she reached toward her bloodied figure.
"Mama! Mama! Wake up....oh, please wake up! Mamaaaa!"
Zelgadiss could do nothing but stare. He watched the young girl curl up to her mother's dead body, tugging a dark lock of her mothers blood soiled hair between her chubby palms and rubbing it against her cheek. He looked toward the young girl one last time, at the eerie scene before him. That he caused. He then, with little thought, fled.
He never got a chance to say what echoed deep in his guilty heart. That he was...
"..sorry. So sorry, Amelia... "
Present.
He never thought in a million years he would never have to come to terms with his awful past. He never planned on meeting her. Never planned on...falling in love...with her. He knew it would eventually bring about his downful..letting him express his feelings, letting him hold her, letting him touch her innocent fortress, hearing her soft spoken words, her deepest hopes, secrets, desires... While he lied to her, kept THIS from her... The fact he was a monster! That he killed her mother... He couldn't take it anymore...He couldn't lie to those azure orbs anymore...
Recent past.
"What...? Zelgadiss...What are you talking about? Sorry about what?"
It's like I'm / paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a / whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I / can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
Little disputes broke out now and then between the pair, but Amelia knew her love for this man could tower over all. But this was new, this was...different. Whatever he was talking about, it was bad. In all her time knowing Zelgadiss Greywers, she had never known him to cry. Never. Would their new found love be taken from her so quickly? After so much hoping, praying, needing to be with him. Her heart willed it so, and she finally had him. All of him, or so she thought.
With tears swimming, and speaking between soft sobs of pain of a guilt held deep within a man breaking under the pressure, Amelia's little world was brought down, for a second time in her short lived life. By the one person she would NEVER expect. Her companion, her friend, her partner, her...lover.
Time stopped, and all sound perished. All that existed was Zel's mouthing his story, and the glass shattering around Amelia's ghost white figure.
And one thought existed in Amelia's shell.
"Where's your justice, mother?"
The news of Zelgadiss' treachery spread quickly throughout the kingdom. Anger and sorrow filled the air of the townspeople, and within the palace...shock, pain...disbelief. Prince Phil called quickly for the courts, and demanded justice. After several day's of trial, Zelgadiss learned of his fate. Death by ax, or more so guillotine. beheaded. He beckoned death, anything was better than this guilt, and the look on his most cherished friends faces as they say their good-byes. He's on the point of loosing it, as he watches Lina cry into Gourry's arm's, and then Gourry, the look on his face, like he's trying to protest her from him But he's crying too... And then he thinks of her.. Where is dear Amelia? She'll never be the same, he heard Lina say once, softly to Gourry. And Zel hates himself more than ever. Not only did he crush the innocent heart of the only girl he's ever loved,, but he gave up his first and only chance... A chance to be happy, to be normal.
I know I've got a face in me
points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia's probably worse
The loud clank of the dungeon key twisted within the heavy steal padlock awoke Zelgadiss from his death like state. It was the day he met his death. He welcomed it, he wasn't afraid. He was already dead inside. He was afraid of seeing her...Afraid of seeing those once innocent blue pools that was her very soul...now scarred..tainted, like his blood soaked hand. He was un chained from his position and taken above to the balcony.
"A public death... How unlike your gentle kingdom's way's, Ame-chan...", Zelgadiss mused inside his head. The crowds shout's and cheer's fell deaf upon Zel's ears. He viewed his surroundings carefully, taken in his last moments...
The sky was gray, it would be drizzling soon ... you could hear thunder rolling gently across the sky's not too far away. Zel took notice of Phil, no tears fell, his dark eye's were sharp and intense. He broke his daughter, he wished for his death...but he knew it wasn't he who made this so..it was his beloved angel's wishes.
"Thinking of such...where are you, my love?"
Zelgadiss scanned around, seeing nothing but a priest, the courtsmen and the executioner. No, if she wasn't here, he couldn't be content, he had to wait, just a little longer. She would come, he knew it. Seeing her face would send him to heaven before he was sent to hell.
I don't know what set me off first but I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can but
Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when they close their eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
[And watches everything]
The crowed below demanded the death, now! Zelgadiss was forced harshly onto his knee's his hands tied behind his back. No, not now! They couldn't do it now, she was coming! Zel could see the priests mouth working, but he heard no words, everything had seemed to be going slow-motion now. And then he heard it...
The soft clicking of heeled shoes against the balcony floor. It got closer and closer, and Zelgadiss was forced to open his eyes. And what a sight... It was her, his shining arc. He couldn't help but smile. She bent down upon her knee's, letting her gown pool about the floor near him. Her eye's were the same...much to his surprise, but, she looked so...sympathetic. Oh, brave, Ame-chan...
She closed her eye's and took a deep breath before hugging her arms about me cradling my head against her soft chest, she gently rested her head atop of mine, and I felt a a comfortable numbness come over my body, and I was no longer afraid of facing her. She left me there for a bit, in that position, myself, content with the soft rhythmic beating of her golden heart. But then, much to soon, she pulled away, but not before leaving me with a cherished kiss to my forehead. I know my sweet, Ame-chan was on the brink of tears, I can tell whenever her nose starts to get a little red. Don't cry, Ame-chan...
So you know that when it's time to sink or swim That the face inside is watching you too / right inside your skin
"I'll never stop loving you..."
These are the last words I saw spoken from my precious, Amelia.. No why's, no words of anger,
hurt, hate... Just my Amelia's pure heart at play. Those were the last words I saw spoken from
the lip's I'd kill to feel against mine for one last time... They were the last words I saw
spoken, but I still hear her, even as I smile up at her innocent face, lavender strands
whipping across my smiling face, and although I smile, tears flow endlessly down trails that
have been cried, and re-cried over and over at night. Now they are free... I still hear her...
even as the blade is brought down, and I can't see anymore... But I hear her... And I;m
content...Because I'm...
"Forgiven...I forgive you."
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me
And I hope she hears me... after being cheated by my greed. It turn's out I got what I wanted
after all. And I tell her...please...do you hear me? I think you do..Ame-chan..
"You made me human..."
What is it that pulls a man in many directions all at once,
but which at the same time...
...also holds a man together?
It is his soul.