navy = flashback
He glared at his double from within the trees. This Davin was loved, this Davin had a family, this Davin had never ever had to hurt. Unlike him. Why? Why had fate spared his double and not him? Why did he have to suffer?
The blonde haired boy picked a few more flowers, humming under his breath, before running back to the village, happily calling for his mother. The blonde within the trees dropped down, green eyes an agonized calm, as he slipped through the bushes to watch his double happily hand the flowers to his smiling mother. Grief twisted beneath the calm. Why didn't he have a mother anymore? Why did he have to watch her die?
His double had everything he wished he had. A family, a home, friends, a name. He had nothing, now. What had happened here that had spared this Davin from his fate?
"There are many worlds, Davin. Some are as different from this one as fire is from water ... and some are exactly the same, except for one small change, on small event that didn't happen or did happen ... or even just that one person has a different name ... these worlds are considered faces of the original."
This world was just a face of his. His double had been lucky. More lucky that Davin had even been. This Davin had it all ... while he was alone. And he would always be alone.
Jealous fury twisted behind the calm. He hadn't he been spared! He shouldn't have had to suffer! Why did his double have it all?! What about him?! Mama called the double inside for dinner. The happy little blonde bounced inside, making a beeline for the table. A whimper escaped his throat. Why did Mama have to leave him?
He crouched in the thicket till the sun set, his heart aching, before slipping up to his double's window. Mama was tucking his double in, singing him to sleep. How long had it been since his Mama had sung to him? He clung to the wall as he fought back tears. She was gone forever. Forever and ever and ever. He wanted her back. He missed her so much ... He slid down the wall, drawing his knees up under his chin, rocking. He didn't want to be alone anymore.
"When there is nothing
When every step you take makes you fall
When every hand strikes you
When the world hates you
Always remember, little one
That I will be here for you
I will hold your hand
So just rest in my arms, heart-of-mine
I will protect you."
Heart of My Heart. How come no one ever sang that to him anymore? Simple. Because no one loved or wanted him anymore. He was alone.
He pushed himself back up to look inside again. His double was sleeping. Was he having pleasant dreams? Probably. He had everything. A whisper escaped him.
"I could replace you. I could send you to my world and I could take your place. Then I would have what you have. Like it should have been."
Yes. He could do that. He could take this Davin's place and have everything back. Mama, Papa, the Twins, his home, his name, his life ... his teacher. What would Zelgadis-san say? Unnamable hate and jealousy curled around the sleeping figure of his double. He WOULD take his place!
The Calm reasserted. After all, didn't he deserve this after his pain? Didn't he belong with people who would love him? Didn't he deserve to have peace?
He slipped inside the room. His double would never know till it was too late. Too late to come back, to late to stop him. Not that he could. His double could never match the years of torment and training he had gone through, he would be killed if he tried to stop him.
The insidious little voice of his conscience crept through his jealousy. What about him? Does he deserve what you went through? The words were like a slap in the face. No, he didn't. He deserved to be loved, too. He didn't need to be alone. But still ... what about him? Why did he have to hurt like this?
He slumped. Zelgadis-san would hate him for hurting someone else, especially his double. He would hate himself. He couldn't do this. He couldn't stay, either. It hurt so much to see what could have been and not be a part of it. It always seemed to hurt. A never-ending pain that he barely controlled. He wished they had never had to die ... He wished he would die.
He carefully bent over his sleeping double and kissed him lightly on the forehead. His double was the lucky one. Grief tugged inside him, a yearning. I wish I was you.
He turned away, a Gateway opening back to his world. A barren, gray landscape stretched between the silvery edges of the Gate. The world of the Game. This was the only place he belonged. He stepped though. This was his world now. Even if it only held pain.