Beauty and the Beast

Invade Kalis' Apartment

Kalis awoke to the noise of a party. Damn, the people up stairs are probably holding another party. Then she noticed that the noise was coming from her own apartment. She walked out of her room, black skirt flowing behind her, to find that her apartment was full of the Slayers cast. Kieran comes out of his room next door at about the same time.

Kalis: What the hell are all of you doing here?! I know that I didn't call for anyone.

Kieran: (still rubbing sleep out of his eyes) What's with all the noise Kalis. What is everyone doing here at this hour of night?

Amelia: Oh good Kalis, you're awake. I am the one who brought everyone here. Since you seem to be so fond of doing plays, I thought that I would let you get involved in my production.

Xellos: I'm sorry Kali-chan, I didn't know that you weren't the ones that sent out the summons. Ooh is that what you always sleep in?

Kalis: You should know. Amelia, isn't breaking and entering against the law?

Amelia: Well, .. I wanted it to be a surprise. The play that I picked out is Beauty and the Beast. A story about how the power of love conquers all. I even got the casting list done already.

Beast -- Zelgadis Greywords
Belle -- Amelia Wil Tesla Sailoon
Gaston -- Val Agares
Belle's Father -- Philionel el de Sailoon
Clocksworth -- Kieran Sandeo
Lumiere -- Gourry Gabriev
Mrs. Pots -- Zelas Metallium
Chip -- Xellos Metallium
The Witch -- Kalis Deleira

Kalis: Well, Amelia, might I make an incy bit of a sugestion. I think Xellos-sama would make a much better Lumiere than Gourry.

Amelia: As you always say, Kalis. "All casting positions are final."

Zelgadis: Has anyone seen Lina? I can't find her anywhere.

Amelia: Well .. huh uh .. I didn't invite her. I didn't want her to be angry about not getting a part, so I .. uh .. didn't even tell her.

Kalis: (to Xellos) She just didn't want Lina see her cozying up to her husband. (to Amelia) Well you gave yourself the title role, are you going to narrate and direct as well.

All of the sudden, Lina comes blasting through the door. Literally.

Kalis: Lina! How the hell am I supposed to explain that to my landlord? .. Hey, now that you are here, you can help Amelia out with her problem.

Amelia: Lina-san! Would you narrate my story for me? Here's the script all written out, and all you have to do is read the script.

Lina: No way. I know better than to hang around here when the whole group is here. I'm just going to grab my husband and then I'll leave.

Amelia: But then Luna-san will be so dissapointed. She was looking foward to seeing this play.

Lina: Nee -- Nee -- Neesan!!! Okay, OKAY! I'll do it! Give me the script and let's get this over with before she shows up.

Luna: Did you say something Lina?

Kalis: Get out, Luna.

Zelas: That's probably a good idea Luna dear. I wouldn't want Lina-chan to have a heart attack.

Luna: Kay. Bye.

Amelia: Now that we have a narrator and the cast is all together we can start. (to self) I'll show you Kalis.

The Show

Scene One: The castle

Lina: It was a dark and stormy night. What a cliche. A weary traveler approaches the castle hoping for some shelter. After knocking on the door, the servant lead her to see the prince. She was greeted by a very handsome young man.

Kalis: Whoa Zel. You look pretty good like that. I almost regret tricking you and Lina into getting married.

Amelia: What are you doing? It doesn't say that in the script.

Kalis: Now you know what I always go through.

Kieran: Kalis, just do what she says. I want to go back home.

Kalis: Please kind sir. May I be granted shelter in your castle for tonight.

Zelgadis: No. I don't want anybody here.

Kalis: But your lordship, it is cold and stormy outside and the next town is miles away.

Zelgadis: You should have thought of that before. The sooner you leave, the sooner you'll get to town.

Lina: The traveler was then lead to the door by the servant. Upon walking out into the storm, she placed a curse on the entire castle.

Kalis: May your outside show the ugliness within. You will stay that way until you find true love, good luck ^_^.

Scene Two: The town

Lina: Ten years later, there is a small town just a couple of miles from the forgotten castle. In this town lived the most beautiful woman who ever lived. Yea right. She was strolling through town running errands for her father.

Amelia: Oh, what a beautiful day. I just want to sing. 'Life is wonderful ...'

Kalis: Hurry Val! She's singing that song again!

Val: Good morning Belle. How would the most beautiful woman like to be on the arm of the strongest and most handsome man on this glorious day.

Amelia: No thank you Gaston.

Val: How dare you turn me down. Any woman would kill at the chance to recieve that kind of offer from me. So why don't you forget this little game of yours and be my bride.

Amelia: I will not marry you Gaston. You may be handsome, but I don't love you. I could never go against my heart.

Lina: With that Belle left the town hunk standing in the street and went home to her father.

Amelia: Good day father, I got everything that you asked for. How was your mission to the castle? Is it still a stable building?

Phil: Not good Belle. When we went to the castle, there was this horrible beast there and he locked your sister into the dungeon.

Amelia: I must then go and rescue Donna. I will free her from the beast for justice burns in my heart.

Phil: No, Belle, it's too dangerous. I don't want to loose you too.

Amelia: I'm sorry father. I just have to go and save Donna.

Lina: With her mind set up, Belle packed some things together and went to save Donna from the clutches of the beast. You know Amelia, I really hate referring to my husband as 'the beast' all the time.

Amelia: I'm sorry Lina. I don't like calling Zelgadis-san that either. It's just how the story goes.

Scene Three: The forest

Lina: Belle was traveling through the forest heading towards the castle that her sister was being held at. It was already dark, but not because it was night, because the trees were so thick that they blocked out the light. She was becoming frightened and felt as though there were eyes all around her, watching her every move. Then a few feet up ahead a wolf stepped out. All around her the rest of the pack were closing in.

Amelia: What's going on. I don't remember getting any wolves for the forest. Um can somebody help me.

Kalis: (to Zelas) Thanks for the wolves. I just had to find a way to liven up Amelia's boring story.

Zelas: No problem. You are aware that you owe me for this, right. And she better not hurt any of my pets.

Kalis: Of course, believe me, this is worth it. Don't worry, I told Zel, they'll be okay.

Lina: (continuing as though that conversation didn't take place) Suddenly a beast jumps out and starts fighting off the wolves. After the last of the wolves had run off, he started to leave.

Amelia: Than -- (fainted)

Kalis: More like knocked out. Stupid girl, my bat broke when her head hit it.

Zelgadis: Thanks alot, Kalis. Now I have to carry her the rest of the way back to the castle.

Zelas: We could just leave her here for my pets to play with. (Kalis nodds in agreement)

Lina: The devastatingly handsome beast, for some reason, picks up the girl and carries her back to his home. And Zel, you better not try anything like that in real life. Even if they are half dead, you leave them where they are.

Kalis: Let's skip to the last scene before Amelia regains conciousness. This play is taking way too long, and I want to get back to bed.

Scene Whatever: The transformation

Lina: Since all the readers probably know how the story goes, I won't bother telling what has happened. Right now, the beast is near dead and Belle will proclaim her love to him so he ends up living. That is as soon as we wake her up.

Kieran: I don't know Kalis. How hard did you hit her.

Kalis: Not any harder than I would hit Xellos-sama.

Kieran: You mean the 'Masochistic Mazoku'. You may have caused some permanent brain damage.

Kalis: Not any worse than she already was. You've heard her justice speeches; there has got to have been something already messed up in that brain of hers. That gives me an idea. (very loudly) Oi Xellos, let's go rob some people just for the fun of it.

Amelia: (quickly wakes up and finds the highest place in the room) How dare you even think of commiting that evil and unjust crime. I, Amelia Wil Tesla Sailoon, shall right your ...

Val: Amelia! Hurry or you'll miss your big scene with Zelgadis.

Amelia: Oh really, how long was I out?

Lina: Well you missed most of the play. Now we're at the part where the beast is about to die, because of Gaston.

Amelia: Oh! Please Beast-san, don't die. I don't want to loose you. Please! (whispering) I love you.

Lina: Then Belle leans down to kiss ... no way! Amelia you stop frenching my husband right now! Darkness beyond twilight, Crimson beyond ...

Zelgadis: Lina! Wait! Get off of me Amelia! Somebody stop her!

Xellos: Don't worry Zel-kun. (strikes a superhero pose) I'll save you! Ready Kali-chan?

Kalis: Ready.

Xellos walks over to Lina and starts to talk to her. At the same time Kalis grabs her quarter-staff and smacks Amelia in the back of the head, again.

Kalis: Don't worry Kieran, I didn't hit her as hard this time. (mutters) I would have killed her if her hard head broke this.

With Amelia knocked out, again, she is pulled away and Lina is calmed down. Everyone heads back to 'Casa de Keiran y Kalis' for the cast party.


Amelia: I can't believe I slept through the whole thing. Was it any good?

Phil: Amelia, there's something I need to tell you about the play. Th -- (Lina covers his mouth)

Kieran: What he was going to say was, 'The play was great.' He's right, time just seemed to fly by.

Phil: No, I was going to say --

Zelgadis walks up behind Phil and smacks him in the back of his head. A hand made of stone comes in handy at times.

Zelgadis: Come on Lina, let's go home.

Kalis: Good idea. Why don't everybody go home. Oh, and Zel-kun, since you so conveniently knocked out dear Phil-san, how about you drag him down to a cab.

Val: Ha, ha. You have to drag that big oaf out to the road.

Kalis: Why don't you go and help, Val-kun. I'll call the cab for Amelia and Phil. Now everyone, get out.

Kieran: (sarcastically) What hospitality.

Zelas: So, Kieran, you think we should stay?

Kieran: Of course not. She .. just .. didn't ... Get out.

With that said, everyone left. Zelgadis and Val carried an unconiscious Phil out to the street to wait for a cab. Lina and Amelia followed after them. Gourry had gotten lost and never made it back to the apartment to begin with. Zelas and Xellos phazed out. Kieran breathes a sigh of relief.

Kieran: Finally. We need to get new locks.

Kalis: You're right. It's one thing for us to make them be in my plays; it's totally different for them to break in and drag us out of bed. I'll see you in the afternoon.

Kieran: Make that evening. I don't think I'll get up before then. G'night.

Kalis: Buenos noches.

Kieran walks into his room and barely makes it to bed before falling asleep. Kalis decides to do the same and goes into her room. She climbs into bed and pulls the blanket over her, then she notices the big lump next to her.

Kalis: Xellos! What are you doing here? I thought you went back to the island with Zelas.

Xellos: Nope. I wanna stay right here with my Kali-chan.

Kalis: I don't care. I'm too tired. Do what you want.

She should know better than to tell that to Xellos. However, this story will end right here. There is no way this will turn into a lemon. Let's just say, neither of them got much sleep and leave it at that. Ja ne.

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