navy = Zel's POV
red = Lina's POV
How can I person be three different people? Simple answer, they can't. But sometimes that's how I feel. As if I am three totally different people at once. I try to fight the golem side and the daemon is lossed. I try to control the Mazuko within me and I lose control of the golem. And all while, I am losing my humanity piece by piece. And as the pieces slip away, so does she father and farther away, a dream I can never attain.
I hold the power to destroy the world, and you would think that would bring me happiness? All it brings is sorrow and heartbreak. How can anyone love a small underdeveloped kid. No one, oh L-sama when you gave me this gift, you also sentanced me to a life of lonliness. I life without him. Hey this is me, Lina Inverse, the sorceress supreme, I shouldn't feel this way. I am all powerful, have all the food I can eat, coins in my purse. I am happy, but why am I not content?
She sits there by the fire with an odd look on her face, what is she thinking? She and Xellos sure have seemed close lately. I guess I can't blame her, my gaze travels over my compannions. Lina loves Gourry, but as a brother.So only Xellos and I are here, but in truth, Xellos is the only one she could love. How could she love me, I am a stone freak, a monster.
I look over at him, is he look over at him, is he looking at me? No, he looked away. Why don't you notice me? I know I am unpleasent and not much to look at, but why doesn't he notice me? Perhaps he doesn't care, perhaps he can't? I stand up, I think a walk will do me fine. Wait where did he go? I look around, but I don't see him anywhere? Oh well, like that is anything new. Why can't I tell him how I feel? Why can't I........
I have to get away before I do something rash. Why can't I tell her how I feel? Why can't I....... Why can't tell her how I feel. Who am I kidding, even if she could love a monster like me, I would never be good enough for me. Never. I need to get a hold of myself. I need to be calm, centered. I need..... I am just kidding myself, I need her. My life is worthless without her, I am worthless without her. What the....... What is this moisture, is it..... is it a tear? No I am not human enough to cry I am only a monster. Only a monster.
Wait is that Zel over there? It looks like him,
but why is he shaking? Silently Lina, you don't want
to startle him. My Gods! He's crying ,oh Zel what
could have driven you this far?
"Zel." I whispered as I walk over to him and place a
hand on his shoulder. He's so hard, but I can feel the
warm beneath the surface. Zel whirls around and looks
at me with wild sapphire bleu eyes.
"Don't touch me!" he snarls "I am a monster, I don't
need you help!"
"Zel!" I cry as I try to touch his hand. "Everyone
needs help sometimes."
"I don't deserve your comfort, nor do I want it!"
Zel's eyes were filled with a reckless kind of pain.
The kind of pain that lead a person to hurt those
closest to them.
"Zel you are not a monster, I couldn't be...... I couldn't
be your friend if you were. You are a good and caring
person. It's not you body that makes up who you are,
it's yourself." I try to touch his cheek and for a
second he allows me to, but then he jerks back and
turns around.
"Go play with Xellos Lina, I don't need you." I feel
the jab go right though the armor I have built around
my heart. How could he say something like that? I
whirl around, I thought he cared..... I thought he loved
me!
"Lina I am sorry." I whispered as another tear runs down my cheek. "You deserve better then a stone freak. You deserve a man made of flesh and bone. Perhaps one day you will forgive me." I close my eyes. "For I know I never will." I am alone once again, just as the fates deemed. I will always walk this dark lonely path until I die. Always alone, always safe within the prison I have built around my heart.