Miss Nightfall's List of Things to Do in a Mall


1. When in an underground parking lot, or another place with a great echo, yell 'Ya-ho!!'

2. In a similar situation, laugh like Naga and see how many people cringe. I can guarantee that at least one person will say, "What the hell was that?"

3. Bring a stuffed animal with you on a leash. Drag it around and talk to it. Make it bark and yell at it when it growls at people.

4. Find an empty booth. Prepare a sign reading 'information'. If anybody asks you any questions, tell them ''That is a secret."

5. Go to a washroom. Lean against the paper-towel dispenser and cry loudly. When people ask you what's wrong, tell them Frank died. If they ask who Frank was, reply that he was your pet cockroach.

6. If you are lucky enough to have those big chessboards set up in the mall where older guys hang out while their wives shop, shout advice to the players. Personally, I always advise them to move the rook, regardless of whether or not a rook is actually still on the board.

7. Ask people at random if they work in a pet shop.

8. Proudly declare that YOU work in a pet shop.

9. Go to MacDonald's and demand to see Ronald. Say you won't leave until you do.

10. Find a toy store and hit the buttons on all talking toys you see at once. I personally enjoy the Star Wars Darth Maul figures that freak out and swing their light-sabre things around. Seven of those little guys makes for quite a show.

11. Hobble around and say you got injured in the War.

12. Make up phoney pamphlets and hand them out.

13. Stare at the ceiling and see who else looks up in an attempt to find out what's so interesting. If you want, you can point and say, "Oh my gods! What on earth is THAT?"

14. Try on clothes that are waaaaaaaaay too big for you. Examine yourself in the mirror, then ask for a larger size.

15. Go to Radio Shack and ask if they sell androids.

16. Race shopping carts.

17. Crash shopping carts.

18. Put your friend/sibling/whatever on a leash. Yell at him/her when he/she growls at people.

19. Wear a 'Say You Love Satan' T-shirt and then ask people if they've found Jesus.

20. If people ask if YOU'VE found Jesus, tell them yes, he is living in your backyard.

21. Go to a shoe store and smell all the shoes.

22. Glare at somebody passing by and yell "FIREBALL!"

23. Hiss "kisama' at people with shoulder-length bobs.

24. Recite poetry or Shakespeare. Loudly.

25. Mime jumping into the fountain to scoop up the change.

26. Actually jump into the fountain and scoop up the change.

27. Twirl around until you get dizzy. Try to walk without crashing into people.

28. Close your eyes and try to walk around, hands outstretched. Tell anyone who offers to help that you have astral vision, dammit, you're just fine!

29. Laugh like Naga again.

30. Go to the pet store and ask if they have any Noonsas or Rahanimus in stock.

31. Go to a make-up desk and tell them you need to know how to make a couple of guys look like hot chicks.

32. Stand beside a gumball machine and salivate. Still drooling and twitching, ask people who walk by if they have a quarter.

33. Sit by yourself and sing, swaying gently back and forth.

34. Announce loudly that you just saw Elvis.

35. Announce loudly that Bigfoot lives in WalMart.

36. Go to the dollar store and accuse the clerks of fraudulent advertising since some of the things in the store are OVER a dollar.

37. Start dancing.

38. Pretend to cast the Dragon Slave.

39. Re-enact all of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

If you don't get kicked out of the mall, more power to you.


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