I Can't ...


Notes

A continuation of Silver Angel's challenge and her fic ...

I Can't ... by Silver Angel, provided for your convenience:

I have lived for many, many years. I have killed as many as I've lived, and I have enjoyed it. But...

She showed up.

And I think I love her.

But I know I can't. She may be destruction incarnate, but I can't love her. It isn't allowed.

I can't feel anything...

No! Get away from her! She doesn't love you. Only me...

Only me...

NO! NONONONONO!!

She can't love me, and I can't love her. That is how the world works.

But...

Lina...

I think I do...

I can't...

"Zel?"


"Zel?"

His head jerked up in response and his eyes met Lina's face. "Yes?" he smiled weakly.

Lina looked at him awkwardly. "Are you lost out there or what? Is there something wrong?"

He shook his head. "Nothing." Is right.

A slight frown briefly crossed her lips before she smiled lightly and shrugged. "If you say so."

Zel nodded in agreement and stood up. "Yeah. Well, I'm going to bed first... Good night."

"Okay. Sweet dreams..."

He climbed the stairs of the inn, and walked slowly to his room. Sweet dreams my ass. I never have dreams...

Just nightmares.

He entered his room and closed the door behind him, feeling a wave of depression sweep over him. He would have to leave Lina and the others some day, some day before they discovered things about him they had never known.

Like the fact that he lived for... a long time.

That he had been a psychotic killer at one point of his life.

That......well. Lots of things.

Actually, I could probably live with them knowing those things. But...

I would have to leave anyway.

I would have to.

What an idiot i am. I was supposed to kill her. Instead I end up falling in love. Why the hell did SHE have to hold the blood to my cure?

Dammit. Even when I first met her, I already knew that I wouldn't kill her. She was different, and there was something... just something so intriguing about her.

Zelgadiss walked over to the open window, and gazed silently at the stars. I can't decide what the hell to do. If i stay, I'd torture myself only more. I've lived forever, and I still can't figure things out on my own.

He suddenly focused on a particularly bright star, and held his gaze on it. But the biggest question is, would she accept me if I told her I loved her? Would she return my feelings? ....or would she hate me?

"I don't want to leave," he murmured. "I don't. I don't want to go and have to suffer all over again."

"Well then, don't, Zel."

Zel whipped his head round, to see the redheaded soceress standing by the door, with arms crossed across her ches. "Lina? When did you come in?"

She rolled her eyes. "Just now," she said, walking towards him. "I heard you mumbling something about leaving. Zel, what the hell were you talking about?"

"...Nothing."

"Would you stop saying that? 'Nothing's' wrong, right? Well, for once, I'm not letting you get away with that. I want to know WHAT is going on now."

She was now standing not less than a foot away from him, and he couldn't think with her in so close a proximity. "No.. No, I can't."

"And just why not? Is Xellos threatening you or something? Is there a new lead to a cure? If there is, then we'll go with you to find it. You won't have to leave us... Just tell me what is going on, and I'll try to help you."

He held his forehead in his hands, trying to stop the forming headache. "No, please just go..." he mumbled.

"Zel?"

"NO!" he finally exploded, "This is none of your business! Get out of my room NOW!"

Lina narrowed her eyes, and suddenly threw a punch into his left jaw. He staggered back with the force.

"So now you're pissed off. Well, you know what? I should be the one who's pissed off, Zel! All I wanted to do was help you, and then you start shouting at me. Well, excuse me for just trying to help you out here!..."

She broke off as she saw him rub his painful jaw.

"Oh dammit... I'm sorry I had to do that... But I want to know what is going on now, and I'll give you one last chance to tell me, before I really do fireball you..." she gave a final pleading look, "Okay?"

Zelgadiss shook his head. "You can't help me."

She could feel his resistance breaking, and took the chance to step up closer. "...I can...What's wrong, Zel?" she whispered.

She was so close, he could even smell the scent of her hair.

"I...I don't.." He swallowed the lump in his throat, and abruptly pulled her into his arms, despite the shocked expression on her face. "I don't know..what..how to say it."

And he kissed her.

Her eyes widened. She fell into a swirl of emotions, and couldn't think. She grew weak under his kiss, and reached to his lean chest for support, as he gripped her harder.

He finally released her lips, and looked firmly into her dazed eyes, still holding her tightly.

She shook her head in confusion, and pushed him away, stumbling back.

"Wha....What the hell were you doing?!"

Zelgadiss looked at her reluctantly. "...You asked me to tell you, and I said no.. ..And...But you insisted that I did." He mentally cursed himself. Why the hell is this getting so hard?

She stepped back quickly as he reached to touch her. "So....you kissed me...?" she whispered accusingly.

She's afraid of me. Do I have no choice BUT to leave now...? But... Oh please... just don't let her hate me. "Lina..."

But she had already run out of the room.


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