Guilty Heart


Notes

The lyrics are from Chances sung by Air Supply.


There's a chance you will be there
I'd like to know the truth
I'll find it out somehow
Chances aren't too strong

Lina stood at the edge of a graveyard, flowers in hand. Slowly she walked into it, a look of deep sorrow on her face. She hoped he'd be there, but part of her knew he wouldn't. It had been almost ten long years, still whenever she thought about that day it brought her to tears. If only she knew if he could forgive her or not. Every year since that fateful day she'd come here, trying to put those demons that now haunted her to rest. But to no avail...

A chance you will be there
Please be there alone
Help me speak of love

"Damnit! How could you leave me!" she yelled into the air. "I LOVED YOU! I still love you..." Tears streamed from her face. She wondered how she could have been so stupid, to have let that happen. She tried to tell herself there was nothing she could do to change it. It didn't help. She should have know better, even then. She'd never make the same mistake again, if she was ever in a position like that again. She doubted that would ever happen again.

Chances not enough
Ones to good to miss

She bent down sobbing, she'd never know if he hated her or loved her, or if he'd forgive her for what she did. How could she have been so dumb! She placed the flowerd by a toomstone without looking at it. "Forgive me," she whispered. She hugged herself as the chill wind started to blow harder and started to shiver. Her face felt as if it was turing to ice where the wet lines of her tears were.

Chances aren't to strong
A chance is all there is

Wherever he was, either in this life or the next, she wished she could ask his forgiveness. She longed to, she couldn't stand not knowing if he forgave her or not. Gods, if he hated her for what she did... how could she stand it?

There's a chance you will be there
Wondering what to do
How to play my role
I'll leave it up to you

Gods, how she never realized untill then how he'd become her strength. She couldn't imagine how she ever lived without him now, or how she could still be living with him gone. She had wanted to die that day. She still wanted to die, but if he had loved her he'd want her to keep living, and she knew that. She'd just have to be strong without him. Learn to be her own strength.

If I diguise my smile
It gives too much away

She'd kept smiling, she was Lina Inverse, she had to keep smiling. Not smiling would have known something was wrong, that she was weak. She didn't want them to know just how much independent her actualy had come to depend on another.

What if we can't speak
What then shall I say

"If only I could have said something... anything..." she whiped away her tears. She replayed that day in her head. Why did she ever let Xellos talk her into looking for the Grimore of the Great Ones with him alone? Sure she acted like she just wanted more spells, more power. Oh, that was it, she was hoping there'd be something to help him in it, since the Great Ones were supposed to have known Shapeshifters.

Don't you be too long
Something has gone wrong
The chances are all gone

Gods, what he must have thought in that two weeks they searched for it. Xellos had be trying this, but the thought of him had kept her for falling for his attempts at her. Unfortunately there was nothing that could help him in it. When she did get back that little stunt Xellos pulled must have convinced him something had happened between her and him. He had taken the Sword of Light from Gourry as he slept and ran off.

There's a chance you will be there
Wondering what to do
How to play my role
I'll leave it up to you

If only she knew what happened to him. All they had found was his cape, nothing else. He was probably dead, he'd probaly killed himself. He wouldn't have gone off without his cpae and hood to hide his face. If only she had told him, let him know why she went off alone with Xellos... "It was the only way he'd show me where the book was, and I thought it minght have something to turn you back into a human like you wanted," she whispered tracing the name on the toomstone again. "Zelgadis..."

If I diguise my smile
It gives too much away
What If we can't speak
What then shall I say

She left the cemetary not really watching where she was going. Suddenly she walked into someone. "I... I'm sorry," she sniffled. She managed to look up at the person she walked into. Gods there was something familiar about him.

"No need to apologize, I think you've been apologizing for things for too long," he said softly

"I... I hurt him. And... and now he's... he's gone..." she started to cry again. The stranger hugged her suddenly.

"Its okay, I'm sure he forgives you," he told her.

Don't you be too long
Something has gone wrong
The chances are all gone

She looked at him again... "Zel..." he nodded. "Please forgive me... I love you Zel." He leaned down and kissed her.

"Of course I forgive you my love," he said then faded away. Lina sunk to her knees and cried, not because he was gone, or that he forgave her, but because he did truly love her.


Part 3   |   Fanfiction