""And to finally wilt,
crying while
lovingly crushed
by my hand"
It was so easy to leave. It wasn't so much that he was using Rock as a reason to escape the facility, because even the joy of traveling held the under current of foreboding that squelched the sweet breath of relief and freedom to a near nothing.
Returning was the harder part. And it just kept getting harder and harder as time went by. At first he used the excuse that the longer he stayed away, the better Forte's mood would be when he returned. But soon he learned that prolonging his trips, no matter the justification, just made matters worse and that made him want to stay away even longer.
And everything got shot to hell when Dr. Wily was finally in custody.
"Why do you have to go now?"
"Because it's my duty."
"Wily is done with. You don't have to worry about him anymore. He can't control any of the bioroids from jail."
Blues scowled. He had lost when this conversation had started, there was no way to change Forte's mind. His stubbornness, though an admirable trait, had quickly become an annoyance and a liability when he constantly refused to hear the other side of the story.
"Wily isn't my concern. He was an obstacle, but he was never my true concern."
At this point, Forte turned, his gold eyes narrowed and smoldering from beneath pale lavender bangs. "And I rank below him, obviously."
"I'm doing this for you, too. I want to make it so that every bioroid -- "
"I don't care about the other damned bioroids!" He burst. "I only care about you! Everyone else in the entire world could commit mass suicide for all I care! I just want you with me forever! I want to be the most important thing on your mind, just like you are in mine!"
The other stood there, stoic and frigid, his exasperation stirring deep within him, becoming something more dangerous.
The silence only drove on Forte's anger, feeding what would become a wild fire, lethal and uncontrollable; a force indiscriminant and determined to destroy anything in it's way. "Why do you have to do this? Why won't you let me join you if your too pig-headed to just leave it be? Look!" He swept his arms out wide. "Everyone is happy! All your precious humans are no longer living in fear of another Robot Master attack, the Robot Masters themselves are either shut down and put in glass cases or they're in hiding with no intention of resurfacing for fear of being put in that stupid museum. Why can't you just let it go?"
"Because Wily isn't the point!" Blues pounded out with more feeling than expected, but at the moment he was too tired to care. "I tell you constantly, but you keep on believing he is! That's exactly why you can't come with me, because you don't understand!"
That stung more than anything else Forte had ever gone through. "I don't?" He fists trembled, the quivering of his chin less obvious. "I don't but that little fucker Rock does, is that it? That dammed blueberry knows more than me because you spend more time with him. I've been giving you everything I thought you'd want from me and your traipsing around behind my back with that little pain in the ass!" Each word that passed unheeded through Forte's lips stoked the fire, finding the rhythm, preparing for a crescendo that would break them both. "I'm tired of hearing how great he is! I hate having to come second to him! I love you! I'll kill that little son of a bitch before you -- "
"You will do nothing of the sort!" The ocean of fire was boiling around them both, clouding their views with a thick haze and their minds with searing pain of betrayal. "I've cared for you like I've never had for anyone before! I've told you every thing I could because I want you to trust me, because I trust you! I didn't want to leave you, but if I ever wanted to be with you forever, without having to worry about what would happen in the future, I knew I would have to go back out and complete my mission! None of this... none of this is about Wily or Light or even Rock! The doctors, they're seeking to create slaves, but they're not the only ones that are searching for a way to create perfection in machines. Because of that I have to stop them. Rock, he's my brother. I protect him, I watch over him because he doesn't understand the ways of the outside world. Because he needs my help. Because if anything should happen to me, I know that he would be able to continue my mission!"
"You don't believe that I could? Is that it? You trust the bastard more than me? WHY? I'm the one that's seen you sleeping, unprotected. I'm the one that's seen you cry when you've touched that part of heaven that just ours alone. I'm the one that holds you when you come back from the world, too tired to do anything more than rest. I've had countless times to kill you, or give you back to Wily, but I didn't because I love you, because I want to believe that you trust me. So why can't you trust me with this? Why can't you tell me?"
"I do!" Blues exploded. "I've told you over and over but you never listen! You hear what I say, but you never listen because you don't care about what I do! All you care about is my returning, but that's not going to help anything! Rock tries, but you just try to keep me to yourself. In all honesty, you're hindering my progress more than anything else!"
Those words struck through him like nothing else had. Forte believed he felt something tear apart within him, had hoped that Blues could hear it, know that he caused it. And he hoped that he would die for the pain and humiliation he felt at that moment.
"Forte..." Blues said softly, all the anger and fuel rushing out of him with his passionate words, leaving him tired, too tired to continue this argument "Forte, please... I know how you feel and I understand -- "
"What would you understand?" The other grounded out, lifting his head slightly, eyes beginning to glaze in a synthesized make of tears. "You don't know how I feel, you don't know anything about me. If you did, then why are you pushing me away? Why are you always leaving me behind for some half-assed reason?!" His voice began to crack and clear liquid spilled over violet cheeks brightened with an angry red flush. "Do you know how many times I stay up all night, waiting for you to come back? So I can see you again? Do you know how many times I dream about your return, how many more times I dream that you've been hurt or even killed?? I'm not being possessive because I want to be! I am because I love you! Because I wouldn't be able to live if you were killed! Because I can't stand the idea of you bleeding all over yourself, with no one to help you, just so you can help some bioroids who don't know enough to care about the sacrifice your making! Don't you dare pretend that you know how I feel! If you knew, then you wouldn't be leaving me behind for weeks on end! You wouldn't let me worry as much as I do!"
He couldn't think of what to say, what to do in response. All he did was fall in a heavy huff onto one of the fallen trees in the forest overlooked by Wily's fortress. He rubbed the heel of one hand against the round corner of his helmet, trying to regain control of... everything.
"Don't do this, Forte. Please."
"What?! What am I doing?? You're the one that breaking me apart here!! You're the one that's making me feel like shit when I'm the one that's trying to believe that you'll always be back for me! After weeks, sometimes even months of never hearing anything from you, you think that I'm smothering you! What gave you the right to judge how I feel?? What gives you the fucking right??"
Both hands braced against the crown of his helmet, shoulders tensing. "Don't, Forte..."
"Can I not worry about you? Is that it? I'm just someone for you to fuck whenever the need should arise? You keep talking about making it so that bioroids are as equal as humans but you're using me just like Wily was! You don't care about anything except for that fool mission of yours!"
He trembled, jaw clenched tight enough to hurt, knuckles popping against the helm, fingers trying to indent themselves into the red hue. "Forte..."
"Have you ever even cared about me? Truly? I've given you a year of my life, everything I've done was for you! I've kept myself from killing Wily plenty of times so I wouldn't get in the way of your work, but you don't think I've done anything to help! You just stand there making accusations and making me feel like shit, making me think that I haven't been doing anything at all!"
"Don't..."
"Or would you rather I go around, fighting Robot Masters in little blue armor. Would that make you pay attention to me? Would that make you give a damn??"
"I can't..."
"How many times have I told you I loved you? How many times have I waited to hear those same words come out of your mouth? How many times do I have to be jealous of Rock because he gets to see you, to have you next to him whenever I can't?? Why do I have to feel this way? Why do you keep making me go through the same thing, time and time again!?"
"...not like this..."
"I hate having to think about what you do when I'm not around! I can't give you up! Not when you've touched me like you have! Not when I've given myself to you so completely!"
"I can't..."
"All I want is you to stay with me! To hold me and make me believe that everything is fine between us! That you really do care about what I think, what I say, what I feel! That I'm the most important thing in your life!"
I can't love you like this...
"I've promised you once, Blues. I've told you I would destroy anything that came between us. If Rock is going to be an obstacle, I will get rid of him. Wily or not."
Abruptly, Blues stood up, startling Forte. "That's enough, Forte. That's it."
"What?"
"Go, do what you want. I give up, Wily's beaten me. He's gotten his revenge, it's over now."
"What are you talking about?"
He turned, scarf fluttering about him as he jabbed a finger in Forte's direction. "That's why I couldn't say anything! That's why I couldn't tell you what I feel inside! Ever since Wily put that chip inside of you, you've been acting so different. I don't know which part is you anymore! How can I trust you knowing that Wily could hear everything going on between us? I didn't say anything because it protect you! He used you to get revenge on me, and now he's gotten it! For all I know, everything you've ever said to me since then has been because he told you to! You're no longer a bioroid, you're just a puppet, one that I've cared about so much that it hurts every time I remember how I failed you! How should I know if you're even aware of what you're saying to me! Even at this moment!"
"I know I'm in control when I say this: I hate you!! I can't stand you! How you just use me and everything else, how you're trying to be in control and saving everything when it's all just an illusion... I HATE YOU! Everything about you! How you made me fall so hard for you! How I gave everything up just to make you happy! I hate you and I hate myself for loving you and for still loving you even when your standing there destroying every hope I had for the two of us living together! For destroying my dreams and hopes... I HATE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING!"
Darkly, Blues replied. "Good. You do that. Stand there and hate me. Hate everything about me, anything attached to me. Hate yourself for touching me if you must." If this is the only way to protect you, to keep you away and from all the troubles that have been following me since I took us this mission... If it means for you to hate me and never wanting to see me again, I'll do it. Just to protect you.
"Shut up! Just go away! I don't want to see you, I don't want to hear you! Just get the hell away from me!"
He turned away, face quiet and solemn, inside he wanted to cry and scream, trembling in on himself and beg Forte to forgive him. This was the path laid out for him. Solitude, apathy, nothing to keep him warm or to make him feel as if he meant anything. That piece of heaven that he had touched with Forte, it crumbled apart beneath his touch, just as so many other things have. It tore at his heart as it fell, ripping it like ribbons, like tears streaking through violet, falling to their deaths from harsh words and hopeless betrayal.
There was no remorse, no way to repent, to ask for forgiveness. He could live, he would live so long as Forte was alive, was well. Even if he despised the very sight of him.
But he didn't. That was what Forte hated most. He wanted so desperately to hate Blues, anything that he stood for, anything that he touched. But he couldn't. He loved him still, so deeply that it hurt trying to hate him. Perhaps, then, it wasn't Blues that was the problem. He still loved him, surely, but there was so many things that stood between them, right? If his mission was finished, if he didn't have to worry about the other bioroids, then he wouldn't have to keep walking away from Forte, right?
Forte clenched his fists, watching as his tears slid down his black armor in shinning trails. So long as the problem was still out there, Blues would never be his. The problem... but what was the problem? What was the thing that kept bringing the elder to the outside world, over and over again? What kept taking him from Forte's side?
A flash of blue eyes, blue armor and a childish smile.
Him.
He was the one getting in their way.
His teeth snarled, lashing together in frustration. "I'll kill him. So long as if means that I'll get Blues back, I'll kill him and all that he stands for." Forte stood, checking his buster, eyes unchanging and full of bloodlust, blowing a nearby tree to splinters in his anger. "I'll kill Rock, and then Blues will stay with me forever."