Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss Kreuz, but I might someday if my plan to seduce Koyasu ever works. ^_~ Until then, it's his in accordance with Project Weiss. Also, the song Underwater Silence is owned by the group Audiovent, aka -- it is not mine; but I do recommend the CD! ^_^
No spoilers, really, but I did take my liberty with the whole Ayachan thing -- oh, btw, an EEG, or electroencephalograph, is a brainwave monitoring device.
So, um, ENJOY! Criticism will get GLOMPS; flames will be used to toast marshmallows.
Thanks to Joanie for your help with this!
Here in your coma
Here in your sleep
You have lost yourself somehow
You cannot hear me although I scream
He places the pot of fresh flowers on the windowsill. The same way he does every time he comes to see me. I love his flowers, I really do but...
He plays with the older baskets of flowers purposefully, trimming away dying buds and fiddling with the newly blossomed ones with an expertise I did not realize my brother had until...
He stands there, staring at me. Expressionless. God, how I hate it when he just stands there looking at me like that. Ever since I fell into this awful sleep, my brother has been falling deeper and deeper into himself. I wish I could open my eyes for just a minute...
He leaves again. The more time that passes by, the less time he stands over me glowering with some deep unspoken sadness. In a way I'm glad...
...But not really that glad. Brother, Ran! Come back! I'll try harder to open my eyes for you! Just, TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG!
I can't stand to see you cry
Tonight
Aya Fujimiya. The single most enigmatic guy this side of heaven. He walks into the flower shop on the very dot of closing time and out of the flower shop via the back door one second past closing time. A silence fills the shop until...
"Who peed in his Cheerios?" Youji asks no one in particular.
"Youji-kun!" Omi reprimands him quickly.
I'm really paying no attention to them. My eyes are locked on the door in the back of the shop, the one that leads up to our personal living quarters. Aya...
"I'm just saying that the guy needs to chill out!" Youji spits.
"Aya-kun has a lot to think about on his own, that's all. Try not to hassle him so much, it's in bad taste and it shows lousy teamwork." Omi says carefully, trying hard to keep his tone even through his aggravation. It was always falling to Omi to keep us all on speaking terms...
"I just wish he'd tell us what he's thinking about," I say with a more wistful air than intended.
They both look up at me quickly. Omi lets out a quick, "Ken-kun?" making me realize that I also spoke with a louder volume than intended as well. I turn to hide the blush that is creeping its way up...
"I'm going up," I say too quickly.
"To harass he who I've been told not to ever so scornfully?" Youji pins the proverbial donkey tail to the back of my pants with his words.
Omi opens his mouth to protest against the part of the verbal attack that was aimed for him specifically, but I cut him off with a breezy, "No, baka! If you must know, I've got to use the toilet! Jeez!" I convincingly complain all the way to the door, as well as all the way up the stairs for good measure but...
I walk right past the bathroom door and stop only once I reach...
"Aya?" I call softly. I fidget a moment. Perhaps it was too softly...
"AYA!"
You dream under lonely eyelids
Find what you're looking for
My door. Behind that door was solace; absolute solitude in which I could sink into my fractured dreams. My fractured dreams of her...
My dearest sister had been in a coma for over two years. Her attacker was still breathing somewhere. And I was dead. Yes, I was very, very dead. I had been since...
I push aside the coverlet that hides my death incarnate from the prying eyes of my roommates. Books. CDs. Old toys. All of them are my sister's. All of them are my...
I pick up her, no, my favorite book to read. The cover is cracked from many an enjoyed reading. My favorite CD is placed with care into my CD player. I was Aya and Ran was dead. When Aya woke up in the morning after this crazy nightmare, Ran would crawl out of his grave. I would crawl out of my grave for her. When...
"AYA!"
I flinch, somewhat startled out of my dream. My eyes narrow. That was Ken's voice. What was he yelling about now? I open the door and with the same amount of volume...
"WHAT?"
You sleep in underwater silence
Alone
I jump back from the door as Aya's voice rips a hole right through me. I recover in time to catch Youji's laughter coming from downstairs and an obviously agitated Omi saying something about leaving 'Ken-kun' alone about...
I look up, flushed, at Aya. His face, surprisingly enough to me, was not holding any real malice or aggravation towards me. He was just blank, which could mean anything from really indifferent to...
"What is it?" Aya says, quieter this time.
"I-I-" I'm stammering in, well, I guess it's a state of shock. "I didn't mean to bother you -- "
"But?"
I struggle to gain my composure. Gods, why am I so uptight? It's only...
"Aya," I say, forcing myself to maintain a steady voice. "You came in with a real bang tonight. I ... just wanted to ask if everything was all right, y'know." I trail, losing my stability.
Aya looks at me a moment. And for that moment...
...Was that longing in his eyes? It was gone the second it appeared, but I swear I saw something very un-Aya-like...
"Iie. It's nothing," Aya says. His tone is strange too. He turns to shut the door on me.
"Aya!" I put my hand between the door and the jam, stupidly, but it wouldn't be me otherwise, I guess. He hesitates long enough for me to get out, "Y'know, if you ever wanna talk, about anything, I'm always just down the hall. Aya -- "
He takes my arm, moves it out of the way and shuts the door. I hear a quiet "I know." come from behind the door.
I stand there a minute, the need to finish my thought clutching at my chest until finally I accept that I cannot possibly leave until...
"It's not healthy to keep everything inside. I don't want to see anything bad happen to you. Aya..."
I turn away from the silence, like that of a drowning person trying to scream for help. I try to shrug off the eerie image swelling in my head of Aya screaming underwater silence.
"...!"
Here in your empty
There's no breeze
Claustrophobic in your skin
I could not afford to let anyone see the broken dreams that flashed beneath my lonely eyelids. I could not admit...
"It's not healthy to keep everything inside. I don't want to see anything bad happen to you. Aya..."
Damn him! Ken was far from an empath, but he was too stubborn for both his and my own good. I can't let anything happen to...
I was Aya and Ran was dead. I couldn't let anything happen to her, not again. And I still needed to take my vengeance out on the man who hurt her before -- as Ran. Ran...
I am Aya. Ran is dead. I am Ran. Aya is me. I am Aya. I am Aya possessed by Ran. Ran is dead. Aya...
Did I mention that if anyone could ever understand how I was Aya and Ran was dead, but possessing Aya, or so I told myself during my frequent identity trips, I would be dragged away to the Kritiker nuthouse? But, it's not healthy to keep everything...
"I don't want to see anything bad happen to you, Ran." It was her voice in my...
"AAAAAAH!"
Refuse reflections
When they're from me
I hear it all the way down in the flower shop. So did Omi and Youji, I judge from their sudden flinches and quick looks to the stairs. I don't miss as they look at each other and then at me suspiciously. I shrug hurriedly.
"Correct me if I'm wrong," Youji starts, "but did I just hear Aya scream?"
"Don't just stand there, Youji-kun!" Omi barks, discarding his apron. "We need to -- "
"I'll do it!" I call as I rush upstairs. "Leave it to me!" I add with an unintended heroic charm to my voice.
"What the hell..?" Youji's voice is cut off when the door shuts behind me.
I take the handle of Aya's door and turn it without thinking about calling to him first. That was a big...
Aya jumps up, obviously disturbed, and presents me with the most flustered look I'd ever seen on his face. A moment of silence passes between us, our eyes locked on each other's. In that moment that seemed like forever, like the moment that passes between a drowning man's last exhaling and his death, Aya's face shifts from expression to expression. I swear he's showing me how he'd look in every...
Aya's face turns blank a day before eternity ends. I flinch with its discomforting familiarity. Uh oh, time to...
"Aya!" I seem to have regained my motor functions, seeing as I am now kneeling at his side. When did that happen? "Aya! Aya? Are you okay? What's wrong? Did something happen?"
I take a quick assassin's glance around the room to make sure that nothing seems out of place, not that I'd know what was out of place in Aya's room. The invisible Cerberus dog outside the door prevented any of us from having that knowledge. Yet here I was... Aya stood, his face moving from indifference to annoyance. Ah, the look I was surprised not to get earlier...
"What are you doing here?" Aya accuses me and finds me guilty all in his own words.
I blink. What was I doing there? He was the one who screamed. Aya cocks an eyebrow at me. Did I say that...?
"Get out."
I stand up now. "No!" I blink again. Did I say that...? !
He actually blinks now. It's amusing to think that Aya and I are mimicking each other's actions and reactions, as if we were...
"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong! Aya, we heard you scream! You either give me a good reason for it or I sleep here tonight!" I gulp at how that sounded so...
"GET OUT, HIDAKA!"
So in my eyes they will end
Tonight
It isn't easy to shove a former sports star out a door when they don't want to comply. But I wasn't dealing with Ken. At least not...
I sink against the door. "I don't want to see anything bad happen to you, Ran."
Go away Aya-chan...
"Ran! It's not healthy to keep everything inside."
Aya... Stop sounding like Ken. It's frightening...
"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong."
Ken?
"Ran, they heard you scream!"
Aya?
"You either give me a good reason for it or I sleep here tonight!"
I wish...
"Ran?"
... Iie, it's nothing.
"Ran?"
...
"RAN!"
You dream under lonely eyelids
Find what you're looking for
He places the pot of fresh flowers on the windowsill. Another visitation that will go horribly...
He plays with the older baskets of flowers purposefully, trimming away dying buds and fiddling with the newly blossomed ones with an expertise...
I really wonder how my brother got so good at gardening. My flowers are always so beautiful. I will tell him when I can crawl out of my coma how much I appreciate them. My little piece of outside...
He pulls a chair up next to my bed. How peculiar! He hasn't sat with me for any real length of time for a while now...
"Aya..."
Holy crap, he spoke to me! My very soul jumps and I feel for a moment like I can almost regain control of my...
"Do you think I'm crazy?"
Where was this coming from? Gee, I dunno, Ran! Maybe if you told me what was going on with you I'd have an answer for that. Not that...
He looks so serious. Not blank, but so very distraught and serious. This isn't my brother. It hasn't been for a very long time. I want my brother...
He takes my hand and ducks his head, resting his forehead against my side. Another leap pushes me just short of... My poor Ran...
"Aya, I think I've gone too far."
You bet your sweet pettuty you have! Look at you. You're a...
"I'm such a mess, Aya-chan."
And I'm still an empath when it comes to you. Hee, hee...
"I don't know what to do."
I don't know what to tell ya. Maybe you should...
"I'm thinking that maybe I should talk to Ken."
Huh? Well, talking to someone who can talk back was my suggestion. But who's..?
"Ken's been such a pain in my ass lately. But he means well."
Okay, so he's a pain in the ass. It's settled then! You should...
"I need to talk to somebody, but I'm scared."
Scared? My brother does exist under that sheet of ice! And yes, you do need to talk to somebody! It's not healthy to keep everything...
Ran flinches. I'm sure why. He picks his head up from his semi-living pillow and looks at me curiously. God I hope nothing too bad is happening to my brother; I don't want to see anything bad happen to him.
He flinches again and puts my hand back down gently. Oh, Ran don't go! You're almost...
"I'm going to talk to Ken."
YOU'RE WHAT? WAHOO!
You sleep in underwater silence
I stand outside his door and wonder if this was the sort of anticipation he felt standing outside my door. No wonder he screamed my name then. I wonder if I could get him to scream my name...
I shake my head, almost violently. Why? Why am I entertaining thoughts of Ken? Why now? Gods, I've never fantasized about anyone, ever, even before my whole life fell to shambles and I died and Aya slept within me and...
...And I've certainly never entertained thoughts of seducing a man! Maybe I really was Aya...
Maybe this really has gone too far...
"Ken?" I call softly. If I thought I could, I'd laugh; an assassin like I was frightened of himself and his teammate. Why...
"Ken?" I think I said that a bit louder. Maybe I could work my way up decibel by decibel until he heard me. Or decided to come out on...
"Ken." I decide that I like his name. A lot...
"Ken." I'm sighing on his name now. How pathetic of me! Aya-chan, what's wrong with me? Ken, help me...
"Ken..."
"Aya?" Ken's bewildered voice sounds... from behind me...
I spin, unnerved by this unexpected turn of events. Did he catch my..?
"Um," Ken fidgets adorably. What am I thinking, Aya? What am I doing here? What is that feeling in my...
It's love, baka.
Aya-chan!
Cut the crap and talk to him. You promised me!
Aya? Huh?
" -- for something?"
"Huh?" I blink, snapping back to reality. Gods, I am crazy!
Ken blinks too. Funny how we act and react the same way sometimes. "I asked if you needed me for something. It's unusual to see you looking for me, y'know."
Yes, I know, but...
Open your damn trap, Ran!
Aya?
"Ken?"
"Mm?" He seems startled. Maybe it's the tone in my voice. I might even have an expression on my face at this point. I don't care anymore.
Something has to stay the same.
Leave me alone, Aya-chan. I need to talk to Ken alone.
As Ran?
Yeah.
You love him.
She wasn't accusing me of it, just simply stating the obvious. But I had to wonder when it was that I had fallen for Ken Hidaka. It didn't feel recent but...
Why..?
"Aya?" Ken revived me. Me. Ran. Ken. Ken, dig me out of my grave!
"Ken, I" I hesitate before saying, "need to talk to someone." I couldn't even hear my own voice, but I said it. That was a start, I guess. But did he ..?
Ken opened his door and passed me by. Was he walking away from me? No, he was...
"Come on in." His eyes are warm and he's smiling at me. I roll over in my grave.
I step into Ken's room on autopilot. I feel like I'm underwater, moving so slowly even though I'm pushing with all my might. Or maybe I was sleeping. Dreaming under my lonely eyelids...
"Don't let me drown."
Ken turns. It was very tactless of me to say that, but I am so sick and tired of being dead. I am sick of possessing my sister. I am sick and tired of being sick and twisted. Sick of being Aya.
"I'M SICK OF BEING CRAZY!"
Holding me down
Aya, the man whose picture I find in my pocket dictionary under the term 'strength,' has just collapsed into my arms. I was not expecting...
"I don't wanna be crazy anymore. I don't wanna be crazy anymore. I -- "
Whoa? What happened to you, Aya? This isn't like you...
...Like that of a drowning person trying to scream for help...
...An image of Aya screaming underwater silence...
...Like the moment that passes between a drowning man's last exhaling and his death...
...Don't let me drown...
I take my trembling teammate into a gentle hug and slowly step us closer to my bedside. Hey, it's the only place to sit in my room, so sue me! Maybe I should get one of those red velvet...
That was politically incorrect of me, wasn't..?
"Shh," I speak to him softly. "It's okay. I'm here now. You can talk to me, Aya."
He's still trembling. If someone had ever told me that Aya would have a breakdown, in front of me nonetheless, I would have laughed. Or would I have..?
"I don't wanna be crazy anymore, Ken." Okay, so there's a start. He added my name into his vocabulary.
"You're not crazy Aya." How would I know? I'm not a shrink. I don't even have the red velvet...
"I hear voices in my head, Ken." He's actually looking at me now, very seriously actually. Much more like my Aya...
My Aya? Somebody slap me. Or at least give me a quick distraction from the absolutely gorgeous...
"What kind of voices?"
"My sister." This is said very quietly.
"Sister? I didn't know you had a sister, Aya."
"I'm not Aya." This is said even more quietly.
"Huh?"
"My name is Ran." This is barely audible.
Holy crap!
"Is Aya your..?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"So that she can live."
"So she's -- "
"Asleep."
"Huh?"
"She's been in a coma for two years."
"I'm sorry, Ay-Ran."
He looks away. I feel terrible. This is a new side of Aya for sure. Um, Ran I mean...
Literally, a completely new side...
I run a hand through my hair awkwardly. Why did I tell him I could listen to his problems? I can hardly handle my own. But he's so...
Wait! I didn't just think about my teammate, practically my leader, like that. Or did I? Do I..?
He looks back at me for solace only to find me staring at him with a bit of a gaping look. He stiffens slightly, and I feel like murdering myself. He probably thinks that...
"Aya. Ran, I -- "
"I hear other voices sometimes too, Ken."
"...Uh. Oh?"
"Yeah."
"Um, what kind of voices, other than your sister? Other people's?"
"Yeah. Yours."
...
Silence. Absolute underwater silence. MINE?
Tonight
You are emotionless
The mission was a success. Of course I would never be alive to say otherwise, my profession being as it were. Besides, I would never let a mission go wrong. I would have too much to lose in...
I stand atop the flower shop, staring off into space, as is my custom. I like to talk to...
Ken? He's okay.
Wonderful!
Mmm.
You're quiet tonight.
Bad mission.
Oh? Is there such a thing as a good mission?
Iie. I guess not.
You're slipping back into it, Ran.
I know, but I can't help it. They depend on it.
Who are they, Ran? Omi & Youji? Kritiker? Ken? Me? I don't think so, smart-ass. Try again.
All of them.
Ran.
I mean it. If I don't--
Ran!
What?
You can't keep doing this.
But--
No 'buts'. You wanna get sane? You gotta pay the price, baby.
Did you just call me 'baby'?
Oh, stop complaining and listen to my point! Ken's been working his ass off for you. You got that? The least you can do is meet him halfway.
I love him too much. I'm scared.
Cry-baby! You call yourself an assassin?
I... I call myself a man with a mental problem and a comatose sister who still talks in my head from time to time.
You are crazy. Still. You gotta try harder.
But, Aya.
I'm asleep, Ran. Let me sleep.
But I --
No 'buts' you big baby!
Oh that's what kind of baby --
STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT!
Hold on and on
"Yes, doctor, it was simply amazing! Her brainwaves just started making irregular patters, like that of a person in normal conversation! And then it went back to normal catatonic waves just as peculiarly. Should we keep her under EEG surveillance?"
"Yes. Maybe the EEG stimulated something. This is quite a break-through!"
"Perhaps if this continues, the girl will wake up!"
"That would be excellent for her and for us."
"Doesn't she have a brother too? He'd be ecstatic!"
"We should monitor it well. This could be a major scientific breakthrough!"
Why do all these doctors need to be so loud? I don't like them much, even though they're really doing all they can to help me. 'All they can' is only 'all they can' though, which for my particular case is not much. I wanna cry out sometimes. Or better...
WAKE ME UP, YOU ASSHOLES!
You dream under lonely eyelids
Find what you're looking for
You sleep in underwater silence
"Ran? You still up here?" I step out onto the rooftop of the flower shop, where he always goes after a mission. We all have our little rituals to make ourselves feel human post-killing people. Mine is taking a shower to wash all the blood away. Lately, he and I had been saying goodnight afterwards, but...
"Ran, it's late."
I finally spot him once my eyes fully adjust to the lack of light the night offers. He's...
"Aya!" I still use the wrong name sometimes. And I have to around the others so...
I run to him. I pull his trembling body into my arms and away from the ledge of the roof in one quick motion. Away from the place where the dark blue skyline ever so beautifully looked like deep, deep water...
"I won't let you drown, Ran. It's okay. I'm here."
"Kenken..." He sounds so distraught. I don't know if I'll ever get used to...
I smile softly after a moment of rocking him. He's developed a pet-name for me. I think he likes to say my...
"Kenken?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think I'm a cry-baby?"
Aya just said the word 'cry-baby'...
Cry-baby?
"Iie. You're the strongest person I've ever met, Aya."
I mean it too. Watching Ran deal with himself bordering on insanity with total honesty and deep emotional feeling has quickly become just as marveling to me as watching Aya fearlessly and emotionlessly take on a mission. Watching his two sides melt into one whole person was more and more enticing to me everyday, as more and more of the real person hidden underneath was becoming clearer to me everyday.
He snuggles into my embrace, his nose firmly planting itself against my neck. Ran...
"I'm trying really hard, Ken."
"I know."
"I'm really trying!"
"I know, Ran. Shh. It's okay."
"No it's not okay. I-I-I -- "
"Shh."
"STOP TELLING ME TO SHUSH!"
Holding me down
Keep me alive in you
He'd said it back...
"Okay. I take it back. I know, Ran. ... It's okay. No 's' noise. All right?"
"I love you, damn it!"
And he'd said it back.
"I love you too, Ran-kun."
I am in heaven. He's kissing me, hard. Heaven, heaven, I am in heaven. I am...
"I love you, Kenken." I can barely breathe. Did I even actually say it? Kenken...
"I love you," he says against my lips, his beautiful turquoise eyes reflecting his words perfectly, even at half-mast and mere inches away from my own eyes. Gods, I can only hope they look half as...
I kiss him this time, taking his head into my hands. My bloody hands. He doesn't seem to care though, too caught up in taking one last deep breath before going under the waters of love, passion...
Desire, ecstasy. Oh gods, what am I thinking?
You're thinking that you want me.
Ken?
I want you too, Ran.
Gods, don't let this be a voice. Let this be...
"Kenken!" I look upon the dawn of reality and see the morning sun reflecting on the waters of the turquoise sea. Ken's eyes were the most beautiful ocean, full of 'see'-life. My cheery Kenken, so unlike the fake happiness of Omi and the insincere warmth of Youji, had surely seen a lot of life. Perhaps what had been such a cruel past could be soothed for him. Maybe I could be his...
"Ken, I love you. I want to show you how much."
"WHAT THE HELL?"
Just keep me alive in you
It was Youji who caught us on the roof, me very suggestively pressing Ran against the wall of the stairwell and poised to steal another kiss. It was a real shame too because the sun had just started to come up for the new day, our new day. And I had wanted so badly to...
I'm very scared, sitting in my room, alone. It's been a few hours since the incident and Ran has been shut in his room since. I don't like leaving him alone. He's still too fragile and I don't want to lose...
I love him too much to think about anything else. I whacked Youji good, but it doesn't seem enough. I can get Ran to answer me. We were keeping things quiet for a reason. Youji doesn't know what quiet means. Youji doesn't know...
Too much. There is too much going on in my head. I'm skipping my shift at the shop this morning, obviously, seeing as I'm in my room and my shift started an over an hour ago. I don't care. Youji can do it. It's his fault anyway...
I had wanted to...
So badly I had wanted to...
I still want to...
I wanted to start our new day by...
I want to keep us immortalized by...
I want to...
Ran.
Ran...
Ran?
Ran!
RAN!
Just keep me alive
"I want to keep our love immortalized."
"Kenken?"
"I want forever and I want it with you."
"Ken..."
"I love you."
"I love you too, Kenken."
"Do you like my name?"
"...Yeah. Do I use it too much or something?"
"Not really. I like to hear you say my name."
"Hehehah. That could be taken suggestively."
"I've been suggestive throughout this conversation, Ran-kun."
"Ken?"
"I want to keep us alive forever. Immortalize our love."
"Ken!"
"But I can't do that unless you want to make us immortal too."
"Kenken..."
It was silent that night. Absolute underwater silence. With a few minor exceptions of course...
"KENKEN!"